Holding our newborn son as he passed away was an experience too difficult, too sacred, and too emotional to even attempt to share in this setting. What we do want to share is that death is not the end of our existence, rather it is the beginning of a more beautiful and joyful part of our eternal lives. We know that our son lives. We know he is happy. He has a sacred and active role in our family. He is very present in our lives. It is something that we wouldn't be able to understand if we hadn't experienced it, nor can we begin to explain it, but we have physically felt Holden's presence around us. Something that we wish we could go back and reassure ourselves of on this day two years ago is that Holden will never be far from us.
Outside our bedroom door hangs a plaque with the Neal A. Maxwell quote, "Faith in God includes faith in His timing." It serves as a daily reminder to be patient as we await the Second Coming of the Lord when we'll finally be as completely happy as we were when Holden was born. In the meantime, Heavenly Father continuously shows us that his bowels our filled with mercy towards our family. One poignant example was when we tuned in to the General Conference following Holden's passing. Just as we began streaming the live transmission we heard Elder Bowen say these words that brought immediate tears:
"I would like to speak to those who have lost a child and have asked the question, “Why me?” or maybe even questioned your own faith in a loving Father in Heaven. It is my prayer that by the power of the Holy Ghost, I may bring some measure of hope, of peace, and of understanding. It is my desire to be an instrument in bringing about a restoration of your faith in our loving Father in Heaven, who knows all things and allows us to experience trials so that we can come to know and love Him and understand that without Him we have nothing.
"...I testify that the veil is thin. The same feelings of loyalty, love, and family unity don't end as our loved ones pass to the other side; instead, those feelings are intensified. Sometimes people will ask, "How long did it take you to get over it?" The truth is, you never get over it until you are together once again with your departed loved ones. I will never have a fulness of joy until we are reunited in the morning of the First Resurrection." from Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also
We fervently pray for the day of Christ's triumphant return when all is made right, and "love's purest joys [are] restored."
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.