Sunday, May 25, 2014
Day 5 - 05.24.2012
Moments before delivering our 4 day old son to the anesthesiologist to prepare for gastrointestinal surgery. Holden's X-rays revealed a blockage that concerned the surgeon enough to start prepping the OR immediately. It was following this procedure that the surgeon told us in a private waiting room that he believed Holden had Cystic Fibrosis. trying to break to Caitlin the ramifications of this diagnosis was nearly impossible. Our entire world came crashing down in an instant.
Later that night I expressed our utter devastation to our visitors, Bishop Murdock and Conor Riley. Knowing so early that our son would not have the health to serve a mission, may not ever get married, nor have children of his own was hard to digest. Instead of looking forward to these events he would be fighting to survive to adulthood. I felt like the greatest joys life has to offer were taken away from him. As I began to sob, Bishop Murdock asked me what kind of family my cousins with CF had. I understood right away why he asked. He knew that they would be one of the strongest, most loving and united families that I knew. They are. He asked Caitlin and I if we wouldn't be willing to have a special family like theirs, if we wouldn't be willing to be nurses to Holden, and take him to his doctor visits, and make sure we were doing all we could to keep him as healthy as possible. As quickly as our family vision had been taken away, Bishop Murdock's inspired words replaced it with a bigger and better one; one that involved sacrifice, heartache, and a complete dependence on our Heavenly Father.
Day 4 - 05.23.2012
Holden went through so much so early. Watching him be subjected to several painful pricks, and tests really allowed our parental instinct to kick into overdrive. He would be so frantic and upset by the nurses, and then instantly calm down as soon as we could scoop him up to soothe him. I began to understand this day how God feels when his children suffer; a type of love I would otherwise be unable to relate to. We haven't had too many conventional parenting experiences yet, but we know what it feels like to want more than anything to trade places with your hurting child.
Day 3 - 05.22.2012
A happy day for us. We got to bring Holden home and experience normal life with him. It's so strange to look back on videos from that day knowing what we know now. We were just SO happy and didn't want a thing to change. Even being completely unaware of what the coming days would hold, we treasured every moment together. We were absolutely smitten with our boy. I (Caitlin) put him down just long enough to snap this picture of him in his crib and then picked him right back up to snuggle again.
Day 2 - 05.21.2012
Taylor and Jack were the lucky cousins that got to hold Holden, but it's been remarkable to witness the impact he's had on all of his cousins, the majority of which did not get this privilege. Through all the letters, drawings, poems, prayers, singing through sobs, and graveside gifts of adulation, it's no doubt in our mind that each cousin has a very close connection to Holden, and he to them. Angel cousins are the best!
Day 1 - 05.20.2012
Taken a few hours after birth. Holden had me so captivated that I didn't even budge from this spot when the nurse came in and found Caitlin had passed out in the shower. Every moment with this boy left a permanent impression on us that pulls us forward, and reminds us every day that we can be a little better, a little more compassionate, and more eternally focused. In our family, May 20 - June 4 is dubbed Holden Days. Days in which we remember that "those mortals we meet in parking lots, offices, elevators, and elsewhere are that portion of mankind God has given us to love and to serve." You are invited to participate in Holden Days by performing selfless acts of love and service. Acts that will cause others to smile and tell a friend how their prayer had been answered that day and how their faith had been restored. We've been the recipients of such acts over and over again. By uplifting and inspiring others, Holden's influence lives on.
We love you, Holden. Happy Birthday, Bud. #HoldenStrong
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